The First Appointment

At one this afternoon Mindy and I ventured into the Infertility clinic. Mindy was weighed and measured...including her waist and hips.

We talked with the doctor for quite a while. Or I should say the doctor talked at us, wrote things furiously on the paper and didn't laugh at my jokes.

Here's what made us sad and need drinks:

She said at Mindy's age the chance of getting pregnant every month is 15%. If she takes one form of medication it might move to 20%. If she does something way more drastic it could improve to 40%. But as I understand, those are the drugs that make people have 8 babies. 8 Babies bad.

Then she pointed out that Mindy had dark arm hair and suggested she had elevated male hormone levels. There's a test for that.

Of course, we should probably test to see if her fallopian tubes are open first. That involves spreading your legs, getting speculumed and then injected with stuff and all of this happens under an x-ray machine. The doctor said "invasive" and "intensive." Words I don't like. And I told the doctor.

Then, of course, she asked me my age (29) my family history (i'm adopted) if I'm on medication (nope) and if my periods are regular (I told her the Mayans built their calender based on me). She smiled. Kind of.

She suggested we consider "switching carriers." Something, I assured her, we'd discussed already.

She named so many tests, you guys. So many drugs she could give us to get things going.

But I don't like that. I don't want Mindy pumped full of drugs. I don't want her legs spread every few weeks for weird probings and tests (though she says she doesn't mind). I don't want the doctor to keep looking at me.

So, I came home just now and turned on the t.v. for a little relaxation. Dr. Phil is discussing teenage pregnancy. What should the 16 year old do? Abort? Give for adoption? Keep it?

And now I'll get bitter: I can't fucking stand it that that little girl A. had sex and B. got pregnant. And now she's on a fucking talk show like, "oops."

Mindy and discussed for a moment what happens if she doesn't get pregnant. What if she wants it so badly and I don't? I don't know. I'm not crazy about getting a baby. I told my ladywife that I would put in minimum effort to get pregnant. I guess Mindy took this to mean if we had a baby I'd put in minimum effort.

That's not the case.

Let me tell all of you that if Mindy got pregnant I'd do whatever I had to do plus some. The point I was making is that I don't want to spend millions of dollars on this. I also don't want to invest myself emotionally. What fun is it to come home crying once a month? I don't want it that badly.

But Mindy might.

Right now everything seems bleak.