Two Years

There are lots of awesome new developments in our lives, but I'm not very good about writing about those. Here is the latest baby news:

Some friends lost their babies. So did another friend. Some friends got pregnant. Some friends had a perfectly healthy baby.

I guess that about covers it.

Did you guys realize that it was two years ago yesterday that Mindy was admitted to the hospital? That's right, Cyrus' birthday is fast approaching. Now, we're starting to hear this, "Two!? Doesn't it go by so fast!?" NO. It does not. The time has not flown by. It has creeped its way along the ground, stopping occasionally to sleep or nibble on some...fuck, I haven't written in a long time. You get the idea, we've had it rough. So, don't say that shit to us, how it all just flies by.

But it's not near as terrible as it was. Cyrus is starting to put food in his mouth. So far, it seems he hasn't figured out that it should be eaten, but he loves flavors. Crazy flavors. He can walk, but he doesn't. He doesn't get mad when other kids take his toys. He doesn't take their toys either. We figure he's really laid back or, well, something else...

It's the something else that we've managed to forget about for two years. We were so focused on the here and now: time to tube him, time for meds, time for a doctor appointment, time for bed. But now we're getting more relaxed. And we've learned from experience that when you feel comfortable, you find out horrible news. If there is this type of news for us, we won't really find out for a couple of years, I assume.

I've managed for so long to block all that out. But, for the fifth time, Cyrus was born at 1 pound 13.5 ounces. He was 25 weeks and 3 days gestational age. He had seizures, for sometimes 45 minutes at a time. Amazingly, I'm able to forget these details. Finally.

Being reminded is rough. It pisses me off. It makes that weight lower onto my chest all over again. It gets hard to breathe.

Again and again.